THERAPIST TODAY

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I saw my therapist today during my lunch hour. Why? Only God knows. Talk about a complete waste of time and money ON MY PART. I’m still trying to replay the whole thing to figure out if there was anything that was remotely meaningful said in the entire session . . . ON HER PART. I mean it’s hard to decide if seeing a therapist is what I need based on this odd conversation. I find myself asking why? Why is she asking me this or that and what does this have to do with anything pertaining to why I’m here? Is she even a real therapist? Did I mention that she looks like a less pretty Barbara Streisand. I mean I think I like her okay but I don’t really like the name Barb that much. Never mind Barbara. Neither forms. I just thought of all the Barbs I know and I have weird feelings toward each and every one! I know five of them. First Barb is nice. No doubt about that. Comes from a nice large family. She married the most unattractive male counterpart. I’ll never know why. You might describe her as sweet. And BORING. The next Barb is around my age. Hmm. She’s so privately entwined with her siblings that it’s privately weird. Again, nice person but is there such a thing as being obnoxiously private? So private it makes you uncomfortable. That kind of private. Like what’s the big secret Barb?! Fact is, there isn’t one. That’s just how she is. The third Barb is my age and I’m pretty sure she was the valvictorian of my high school. I’m pretty sure she was nice but I didn’t really hang with her and I’m pretty sure she probably wouldn’t associate with me due to my non-valvictorian ways back then. Cut to me falling asleep in every class. Fourth Barb was about the slowest moving person I knew/know of. I’d love to see her jog. Hop even. Very smiley and slow moving. Since my natural stance is in motion I couldn’t hardly listen to or be around her for any length of time without becoming anxious or taking over the task she was doing at a turtle’s pace. Fifth Barb is my best friend’s mom. She caught me smoking when I was way too young. I’m glad she did. She makes a killer chocolate milk shake and some other stuff. Recently diagnosed with lung cancer and no she didn’t smoke. The fifth Barb is my new therapist. This was my third Barb visit so far. I’m waiting for the ah hah moment when I realize the healing reason everyone recommends thereapy. Nothing really accomplished one way or the other in the ah hah moment department. Barbara Streisand and Barbara Mandrell are the only famous Barbara’s I can think of. Remember that song Barbara Ann by the Beachboys? I think it was the Beachboys. Again, weird! Sigh. I’m going to see fifth Barb two more times and see if I get the ah hah. You know what they say about the number five. I don’t know what they say about the number five. It rhymes with hive and dive that’s about it.

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